Planting Seeds in Fertile Soil.
Two sentences changed how Eric lives: one from a friend, one from a teacher’s whiteboard. Why your words matter more than you think.
Have you ever had a conversation or heard one line/phrase/idea that has stuck with you and influenced your thinking for years to come?
The truth is, we will never know how our words will impact a person or how long it will stick with them. There are many conversations and words that we’ve forgotten, but we all have those few that have stuck with us for years, the ones that have influenced who we are and what we do.
A few years ago,
I was attempting to thank a friend for something they had done for me, and I asked him, “What can I ever do to thank you?” expecting him to ask me to buy him lunch or something. He told me, “Eric, the best way you can thank me is to pass on what you have learned.”
That was in 2015. I still remember it vividly, and with no exaggeration, it’s one of the most significant moments of my life. I didn’t mean to make it a big deal, but that one sentence changed me.
My podcast started because I wanted to pass on what I was learning. Writing these articles started because I wanted to pass on what I was learning. I started tutoring several years ago because I wanted to share what I was good at, just as I had been helping classmates in school for years. In almost every conversation, I am sharing something that I had learned to benefit the other person.
Everything was not just to thank that one friend who told me this, but all the people who have come before me, who have helped shape me into who I am. That one line changed my life. It’s the best thing I can do to express my gratitude. The seed he planted in 2015 has grown fruit.
In high school,
There was a teacher I had who would always put a quote of the week on the side of his whiteboard. I liked most of the quotes. I agreed and nodded with many of them. But one of those quotes changed me. This is what it said:
“Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.”
I had heard dozens, if not hundreds, of times that we have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others, the metaphor of putting our mask on before helping others put on theirs. But I never did it. I was the kid who cared for other people so much that I hardly even thought of taking care of myself or figuring out who I was.
I just wanted to help people. I wanted them to feel great. I wanted them to be happy and to win and to get what they wanted. I wanted them to overcome every challenge in their life. Yes, that’s a tremendous strength, and truth be told, I still feel the same way.
But I was neglecting myself to do it. Talking to that teacher about the quote, I realized that I couldn’t help people if I was burning to a crisp. I would only keep the other person warm for a short time, and then we’d both be screwed. I couldn’t see them be happy if I was burning out. I couldn’t help them cross the finish line if I pushed them a few inches forward and fell.
No, in order to help people in the best way possible, I had to take care of myself. Man, that changed me. I’m so much better off because of this one line. Every single day, every week, every month, every year, I am able to do just a little bit more to help people.
Consider this a different way: It’s a lot harder to push a piece of string forward than to pull it with you. Instead of pushing people, I had to elevate myself, so I could pull.
I wonder how many people took advantage of my kindness back in the day. No, I don’t really mind. I don’t care about that anymore, it’s in the past. Today, I know I have to prioritize myself first, so I can help others. I understand now, that on the plane of life, I really do have to put on my own mask first, and then help those around me. And if somebody isn’t serious about it, I’m not wasting my time. I’m moving on to the next person who I can help.
And yes, this was all from just one quote a teacher wrote on the whiteboard.
Why Should We Care?
I write this article to say that your words matter. The words you speak to yourself matter. The words you read matter. The words you listen to in the podcasts, videos, and conversations you have matter. The words you say to others matter.
Not all of them will make a tremendous impact in someone’s life like in these stories. But something you say will matter. Don’t think for a moment that your words are impacting just one person. How many people will be better off because I am a better person, due to these two conversations I had?
Don’t forget that you matter. Don’t forget your power. I hope that you’ll use this power wisely because while words can bear fruit, words can also cause great trauma and conflict. Speak well, speak kindness, speak growth, speak love, speak encouragement, speak victory, and speak affirmatively.
Besides, it doesn’t have to be a big change. Maybe that one sentence you say to somebody just helps them smile, and their smile will help another person smile. Maybe that smile gives a person a little more joy, which permeates in their life to do something special for themselves or for someone else. Or maybe that word of encouragement gives someone a reason to wake up tomorrow.
Don’t make this a big deal where you worry about everything you say. That’s not the point. We’ll all make mistakes. But be aware of your power, your worth, your impact. And make the best use of it that you can.
Your words are the seeds and the people you’re talking to (which might just be yourself) are the soil. You don’t know whether the soil is fertile for the seed that you have to plant. But plant anyways, and watch the trees grow.
First published on Medium (opens in a new tab) on January 17, 2022. Lightly edited for this site.
