Martial Arts, Confidence, Happiness, and Passion
Host: Eric Chow · Guest: Jhayden Calangi · October 19, 2019 · Episode 12 · 88 minutes
Transcribed from the episode audio and edited for names and terms. Speaker labels are assigned automatically and can occasionally place a line with the wrong speaker; the episode itself is the record.
Eric Chow
What is up everybody welcome back to the Eric Chow Empowers Podcast in this episode I'm joined by Jaden Kallanji and We're talking about Something that has impacted both of our lives immensely and that's martial arts both of us have done martial arts for many years and We've gotten a lot of benefit from it and grown a lot as human beings from it So, while we do share a lot about our martial arts experience and how it's benefited us, I really wanted to make sure that that's not what we focused on. You know, that's what I would do if I was just having a conversation with Jaden.
But since this is a podcast episode, I really wanted to make sure it wasn't making you guys feel like you had to go through the years of martial arts training that Jaden and I had to go through in order to learn and grow from our experience. So what we do is we took a lot of the, we talk about the lessons and the benefits that we got from martial arts and both of us would for sure recommend that you You do some training, you do some martial arts. Or at the very least, you get some physical exercise in. It's very important. But what we tried to do is we tried to take what we've gotten from it and communicate it to you guys in a way that you guys can get all of the benefits and hear all of the lessons that we've gotten from it without having to go through the experience.
Now... There is no substitute for experience. The best way to learn any of these lessons is truly to learn them through experience. But hopefully we were able to communicate the lessons in a way that actually does bring you guys value without having to do the years of training. In any case, this episode was so much fun for Jayden and I. We really clicked really quickly and literally recording this episode was the first time he and I have met in person and it went quick. We very easily got into it, which was absolutely amazing. And I think that the conversation went very well and hopefully you guys will be able to get all of the value that we provided because there really is so much.
Anyways, without further ado, this is my friend Jaden Kalangi and you're listening to episode 12. Alright Jaden, so let's start with martial arts. What martial arts have you done? I've done boxing for a few years, like around three or four years.
Jhayden Calangi
And then I kind of stopped doing that and then I'm currently training and actively competing in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. Amazing. So it's like, you know, you know, you know, for those who know, and it's just kind of like, um, thing of it as like your wearing pajamas and to like two guys wearing pajamas and the goal is they're trying to choke each other. That's pretty good. They're trying to choke each other or terrible in or yeah. Yeah, that's what I do. Cause a lot of people hear about Jiu Jitsu and they see like the pajamas that we're wearing. They're called geez. Yes. They see what we're wearing.
And it's like, Oh, so you knew how to kick and things like that. It's like it's no kicking. It's strictly grappling. and just choking with the what you're wearing with whatever you know?
Eric Chow
Yeah so for me I did Taekwondo for three years and then after that I did well actually I'll start really young in like first grade I did like six months of karate but then I quit so I don't really count that but three years or so of Taekwondo and then two years of Shugyu Ikeeto Okay, so it was interesting for me because I got like ticuando is mostly kicking. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's that's what it is I keto is more grappling more pins throws joint locks kind of like misdirection as well Yes, I see a little bit of like I keto classes and you guys wear like big pants They they do but ours didn't okay.
We tried to be so what my That's so traditional I keto was done by the samurai Okay. And it, the way they do it is somewhat impractical in like real life. Yeah. So what my sense I did was he took principles from other martial arts because he had also done Taekwondo and some, he knew some Wing Chun and so it's like Wing Chun is a kung fu style for those who don't know. Yeah. And a couple other ones and he tried to make it more realistic. So it's based in Aikido but it's Much more realistic. That's what's important about it.
Jhayden Calangi
Anyways, it's not the martial arts. Exactly. The functionality of it. I agree. Because at my martial arts school, we have an IKITO class. We just got an IKITO class. And it's more of like what you're talking about, like more of a traditional IKITO where they wear the traditional clothing. And it seems a little bit unrealistic. But I like the little modification that your school kind of has on the IKITO. And you're saying that? You said you trained that?
Eric Chow
Yes. I did that for about two years. So that was... So Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is more of like ground fighting, more of. I kind of could you could kind of think of it as like the standing version. There's still the grappling. There's throws, there's joint lock, there's pins. But I do remember one time we had somebody come in and teach us ground fighting. That was a very fun day. It was a fun day.
Jhayden Calangi
It's really fun. It's very different. Yeah, absolutely. Was it training with the Guillain?
Eric Chow
Yeah, well, we had our regular Guillain. Yeah, I'm like. It's such a like grappling on the floor is such a different environment when you have clothes is on because there's just so many things to grab and play with and it's fun. It's really fun. I've wanted to I think at some point in my life I have to do some.
Jhayden Calangi
Oh, no, you should join some I would love it. It's a very I think I would the sport is really very You have to be very like intellectual not intellectual, but just kind of witty, you know, because you have to it's kind of like You play chess a little bit. Yes. Yeah, it's kind of like it's kind of like the same concept like you're trying to set things up for like you have a goal, but you have to kind of Kind of digress from it in order to set up a distraction and right reach the goal and it's just so fun It's like it's just fun when you're in there because all you can think about is how am I gonna outwit this person because I would also think that
Eric Chow
Like there's only a certain set of moves that you know that you can use. But if you're in class, the other person knows all of those moves. So you have to like trick them, you have to mess around, you have to fight whatever they're doing. I like that about like Keto was kind of the same way too.
Jhayden Calangi
Yeah, and any martial arts class really like, especially when you like at the end of the class, you got to start sparring or practicing against each other. It's like we've both learned the moves from the same instructor. And we both have the tools. Yeah, and if I win during this little sparring session we have it's not about the tools. Yeah, how I was able to execute using a house but how I was able to utilize it and that feeling is just so like it's such a satisfying feeling yeah such a satisfying feeling and when you lose it's such a humbling experience because it's like I have the same tools you do and you still got the best of me it's like you got Be humble about it. You can't blame anyone else on that.
Eric Chow
Yeah, take that account ability Absolutely, it's it's so much fun for me too. Yeah, I should I need to definitely I don't know when I'll do it like in my lifetime, but I've so I haven't done martial I stopped training Four years ago, maybe okay. That's not too bad. Yeah, so it's it's been a little while But I've never lost respect for it ever I Support it all the way. How did you like it? Oh so much fun. Yeah, and I've met some amazing people some of my favorite people have been martial artists People who have helped me so much.
Jhayden Calangi
So you've done it as a starting when you were young.
Eric Chow
Yeah, so like I said karate was first grade. Yeah, tai kwon doh started in fourth grade roughly actually tai kwon doh is kind of funny because We're pretty much right there next to kiddiyama. Okay, kiddiyama had some sort of reading like thing with books or something and I read enough books that one of the possible rewards I could get was like I think it was a week maybe two weeks. Oh the class classes. That's cool. So I was a reward. Yeah, that was one of the rewards that they arranged and so I was like I'm gonna take it because I didn't know much about martial arts back then, but I knew that I had a pretty good time at karate back and first.
Jhayden Calangi
Great. Also you were interested in independent from what your parents or anyone around you thought?
Eric Chow
I think my parents probably supported it. Okay. But they weren't like, go all in on it.
Jhayden Calangi
Yeah, but independent from that, you were just genuinely interested in it.
Eric Chow
Yeah, I was curious. I was curious. That's cool. Yeah, and then so I went in for a few classes and I enjoyed it. So I was like, all right, let's do it. And then we did, I ended up doing three years, got the black belt.
Jhayden Calangi
That's really cool. That's really cool because for me, like my parents growing up, my parents really wanted me to do martial arts or train like, well, yeah, like train. They wanted me to train some type of self-defense. I'm not sure. Oh, good. I'm sorry. And I was just scared. I told my parents no, I was really scared. I didn't like the idea of having to listen to instructor and if I failed, I didn't want to get disciplined. Because traditionally on TV, it's just like there's a karate instructor, you learn, if you do bad, you discipline with some type of workout. And to me, I was just fearful of any type of physical adversity.
And that's why me different from you, I started when I was kind of older, in high school. Okay, and it was still it was still against my own will it's because I was like Messing up in high school and getting in trouble and my parents were like no you're gonna go start go start boxing and I was like oh my god It's like my worst fear. It was really my worst fear because I did not like one any type of physical anything that's physical straining on the body sure and two I didn't want to get hit like boxing out of all of them. Yeah, yeah, they're like yeah, they're like you have too much free time You're like doing things you're not supposed to do so we're throwing you in here and it was just such a fearful time for me This was like middle of high school such a fearful time and how did it go like that first few classes?
The first few classes it really showed me that because From an outside perspective looking at fighting. Yeah, it's just so superficial. It's just like I washed it and it's like Chaos is like my chaos you guys are just hacking kicks and punches and just getting really mad at each other and the first day of boxing I had a workshop and they were just showing me the fundamentals of boxing like the different punches Yes, how to stand I didn't even know that there was a way to stand how to move I didn't even though there was a correct way to move there was just so much that it was it was really eye-opening because I just thought it was I'm gonna get in here and everyone's gonna beat me up And then that's and I was just so scared and that turned me off right away But once I started getting into it and they started showing me like there's so much more to martial arts to boxing than just what you see on TV Yeah, and I got into it and then I was I was pretty much hooked it was really interesting because I I like things I kind of stimulated my mind a little bit made me think sure and Over there was it was just perfect because I was like This is not what I expected. It was just so fun learning the fundamentals.
Eric Chow
I did not even over there. fights like see like films or fights on movies or on like Twitter like random fights throughout Do you like watching them back at like seeing like oh wow, that's what happened. That's an interesting thing they do Yeah, no I wish they had technique here. Maybe this every occasionally someone will actually do with something like a technique There'll be street fights I'll see on social media.
Jhayden Calangi
I'm like oh This person really knows how to fight and the other because it usually the people who know how to fight don't start the fight. That's what I think. That's why I love martial artists because we have a true martial artist will. Understands of respect of like not fighting like you know we know how to fight but we don't go out there and try to fight Yeah, so when I see those fights out there and I see like the guy pressing Maybe a skinny guy who doesn't look like he knows how to fight yet? He knows maybe like Brazilian jujitsu or some more tires striking the other guys just completely like at a disadvantage He doesn't even realize it was like me before learning the technicality of boxing I don't even realize how much I don't know unless someone was there to put in front of me that I didn't know it.
And I look back at it, I'm like, man, this could all be prevented if people just understood a little bit. Fighting is never the answer. It should never get down to that ever, ever.
Eric Chow
One of my favorite lines that I heard at the Dojo was, we learn all these techniques so that we don't have to use it. Brilliant. We can break bones.
Jhayden Calangi
Mm-hmm. Break bones tear off and win tear off limbs.
Eric Chow
You just sleep back even just through a choke.
Jhayden Calangi
Yeah, that's why I love you. You don't have to hurt nobody. You can just choke them. They'll be out. I like that better than bashing your head against the floor.
Eric Chow
I like that too. Way better. I like that and I think that was interesting for me when I started doing aikido because aikido was less about the strikes and I was used to the strikes. And so I got to see something totally exactly. So I was very interested in that. I was able to merge sort of my these two styles because my sensei that's what he'd done with Akido in general. He'd also done Taekwondo. He knew that I had that ability. Sometimes he would leverage me and then those his other kid a good friend of mine He he also do type one dough. He would leverage me in this other guy He would say all right you two attack this these people yeah because these people are training and they might even be higher ranked than us but there would be like okay eric Strike at this person and this is time for you to test your technique because he knew like I had a decent amount of technique Okay, yeah, and so he'd be like okay test this person even though this person's higher ranked than you They're gonna only use like hito you have both Okay, and so I was able to merge it and I think that was interesting for me because when I think about self-defense I know I Have much more options.
I don't have to just like okay. Yes, I can I can mess around I can we like to call it playing at the dojo It's very misleading, but we called it playing it was a fun way to do it Have you ever imagined yourself getting into a street fight and seeing what you might do? Yes, that yes. I've imagined that plenty of times, but I really, like you said, we are pretty good at like not getting into those situations.
Jhayden Calangi
How do you feel about situations where like say there's people getting into an argument and you're just out in public, you're just being an innocent bystander and you see some type of fighting or some type of bickering that you know was kind of heating up into what's going to be a fight. Do you think that you would step into there?
Eric Chow
I would hope I would. I would hope I would. I think one thing that was interesting because this wasn't taught at least for me. I don't know if it was for you. Even though we're with all these techniques and we're also taught like respect and all of that, but also we can also kind of tell since like as martial artists, we don't want to get into a fight. But how those things can escalate. I kind of started to understand, okay, well, these things might escalate into a fight. How can I dissuade it as a person in part of it? Or if I'm watching it and I see something going on, I can usually, when there's a fight, there's some sort of underlying reason for it.
And usually, most of the time, it's just anger and the actual reason doesn't make any sense at all. Or irrational. Right, exactly. And so, you know, just, I think that I would hopefully be able to just, if I had to, go up to people and point out like, hey, fighting's not gonna help you, like you said. Yeah. finding stock and help, you know, this is what's going on. How can you solve it? How can we bring this underlying reason that you're blinded from with your anger and bring that into the light?
Jhayden Calangi
I feel like in a realistic situation, though, if you come between two people who are just heated with pure emotion, there's no there's no speaking to them at that point. There is no walking over there and speaking to them. So. Like for me like when I would imagine a situation like that I would hope that I would step in there and hopefully like maybe try to control one person or try to separate them if it really starts getting physical and That's actually happened a couple times before I ask that because I would just like to see how you would react because there'd be times or like when I was in high school or at a party a fight would break out and in my head I'm imagining like I should like as a someone who who's able to de-escalate a situation.
If I have the power to do that, I would love to be able to just escalate something, keep people safe. But when it really came down to it, it was like, is this really my place? Is this should I? And it just came a lot of doubt and I was like, man, and then after the situation. I go to retro spec and I'm like, I really should have stepped into there. I imagine I would be in the thing. It's such a difficult thing to do when it's really in the moment. Because in that moment, instantly your body is just like... The sphere circling course so many emotions you're like do I go do I not go you're and your hesitant by that time It's already too late exactly.
Eric Chow
Yeah, that's why I say I hope but I can't never know. Yeah, there's no way for I know that you said I hope and I was like that's a very Very yeah very quickly. I know I can't I there's no way for me to know I would hope I would but I don't know and the other thing too is you know It doesn't really matter how good you are when you're facing two people at once mm-hmm And like you said you're trying to control one of them But what if you're doing that and the other one takes advantage of that like it just gets really complicated And I don't know how many times you've done like try to do two on one sparring You have it.
Jhayden Calangi
Okay, no one sparring is hard enough bro two on I've seen two on one sparring and I think like man if I had two guys on me I'd be able to I get the big one first a small one But then if you have if you're going against two people are really trying to get you yeah It's that's hard. That's really hard. That's really hard and I was like man I can't believe I'd be able to take two people because one person is hard enough So I this is actually a funny story.
Eric Chow
So after the dojo sometimes I mentioned my buddy who did type one day. Yeah So him and his dad also trained sugiro keto The kid is the one who did type one though his dad didn't but He's dead like you know yes, so sometimes we would go home after like literally like an hour hour and a half two hours of training We would go to their garage empty the garage like pull out the two cars Yeah, and then we would do a two-on-one and then we just rotate So you guys would train after hours get that's exactly all only because we thought it would be fun and this happened one day because we just for fun ended up doing like a two-on-one in the dojo And the thing about two on ones, three on or however many on ones, it's not about winning.
Like this note, I got like these two guys are the same skill level as me. And there's two of them. There's two of them and one of me. So it's not about me winning. It's how long can I last? How well can I do? If I can learn a few strategies that might help me in that situation.
Jhayden Calangi
So if it's inevitable that you go against two people, like if it's like say it's on it's on the street. And it's inevitable that it's a two-on-one I for me my my my the best thing I would do is I would just With any any way possible just try to get out of the situation. Absolutely. There's some there are some times where you just have to look at a situation and be like You know what as much as I would love to like try to get something out of this like whatever it may be for my own satisfaction of beating to like whatever it may be just try to prove a point or whatever a lot of the ego like I just bump it if I just start bumping heads myself like I need to prove something It's just it's just really best to Swallow it and walk away.
I think sometimes it's like it's not worth it man. It's not worth it Yeah, I think and choose your bad a lot of people really get into fights for those stupid reasons That's not very reason why people fight in public like it should really never get down to that and the people who do fight in public tend to not understand that You got to pick and choose your battles That and some something I don't remember where I learned this I'm trying to remember it but
Eric Chow
It was oftentimes, like when people are fighting and it's like a disagreement. I think it was, it might have been a video or I saw something, somebody was explaining to me. This guy, oh, it was a video, I think. Yeah, so one guy, and these two kids were fighting, and this older gentleman goes up to them. I don't even think the guy's a martial artist. Either way, he's an older gentleman. And he goes up to them and he's like, And he the fight somehow ends I don't remember how yeah, and he turns to one of them and goes okay Why are you fighting and he goes all this guy did something blah blah blah?
And then he or he insulted me he said this about me. Yeah, and he turns to the other guy. Do you still think he's? Whatever he said so let's say Let's say you're an asshole. Let's say you're an asshole exactly so let's let's just say you're an asshole yeah, or Your mom is a horrible pre-human being. Yeah. You're a mean your mom. Exactly. So let's, in fact, no, let's say your mom's a bitch. Let's use that as an example. Super hypothetical example. And let's say, you know, very realistic though. Yeah, for sure. So one kid's like, okay, this guy called my mom a bitch. Yeah.
And then the other guy, and so he turns to the other guy, he goes, do you still think his mom's a bitch? And the other guy goes, yeah. Yeah. And then the, he points out like... The fight is never gonna solve your disagreement. It's not gonna change nobody's mind Even you feel you get your ass whooped. It's probably still not gonna change your mind It's not gonna do anything for you.
Jhayden Calangi
So either discuss it or get out the kid just the kid called his mama bitch and now they're gonna fight now we're gonna fight about it the fights over You still think his mom like look like no, you guys got nowhere exactly thing that happened was you guys hurt each other exactly should never be the case like That's why it just takes one person just to walk away and kind of just say a sliver over them out You don't really even know my mom at this exact I've had an encounter with this like a couple weeks ago actually, okay? Couple weeks ago. I was at a party and this guy was very intoxicated He was madly intoxicated sure madly intoxicated and he just kept he kept coming he kept pressing me He kept coming up to me the party getting just speaking really closely to my face and I and people just kept telling me like yeah, he's awesome stuff awesome stuff and then At the party we started having a conversation and then I was just like because I was graduated He's still in high school.
Okay, and we just began talking I'm like, yeah, so what like he was like, yeah, so what do you do now? He's just out of high school. I'm like, you know, I just go to school and I told him how to train martial arts Yeah, and he he's also a boxer. Okay, he is also a boxer Okay, and then we just start and then we start getting to the conversation of boxing and so it was just me and a cut like a we were in a circle me Maybe three other guys sure and then we were just talking about how we train and other guy was a black belt type window And then the guy that was in my face, the guy that boxes, he was just talking about how he's really good.
And he's kind of like, he was slowly escalating. It to a point where he's kind of blowing himself up a little bit. Yeah, and then he was like yeah, and I was like oh, that's really cool I've been trained for a while like I would love like I would love to like get into it with you Yeah, like I'd love to get into it with you and he's like yeah, I'm boxing one at any time So he like I for me I was just saying it like I would love to see you at a gym we can spar sometime right?
Eric Chow
Yeah, I know really throw it down and he was like he was thinking he was singing like I can like anyone in this room I'll beat them up and the guy the type one though guy was like let's fight Like just for fun. He's like let's just fight for fun because the guy who boxes he really wanted to fight Yeah, so we're here at this party me and a couple friends and the guys we walk outside and the Taekwondo guy and the guy boxes they start fighting Yeah, they start fighting fists bare fist and they start fighting and then he starts calling me out and this is where the This is where I'm like from the very beginning.
I was like I don't want to fight anyone I don't want to fight anyone right right right and in our conversation in the party He was talking about he doesn't train anymore. He's busy with school and working. So in my head, I'm like, okay, you already don't train. You already don't train. I'm not going to fight you. I train three times a week and I wait train two days a week. So it's like I'm in shape. And it would just be a huge disappointment for me. Is it be disappointing of me to fight you knowing that you don't train like that? And then like, remember when he was fighting the Taekwondo guy?
He just kept calling me out kept calling me out your mom's a bitch blah blah blah your bitch like why don't you want to fight me? Why don't you want to fight me and they for me? It was just took so much. I was like I can't I'm not like I can't fight you. This is for it was at Sam names party Yeah, and then I and it was it was that Sam names party and I was like this is like this is for Sam name I'm not gonna fight you yeah He just kept calling me out and at this point I was I was intoxicated too like I was drunk Like I wasn't I wasn't drunk.
I was just a little tipsy and I was like as much as trying to like I don't want to fight you and I was verbally like Displaying that I was like fine. I'll fight, but we'll go fists I mean we'll go up we'll go slapboxing. Yep, cuz if you go fists Yes, not only is it gonna hurt my face because that's gonna hurt It's gonna hurt your hand and it's gonna hurt my hand like we could break our hands and he was like no fist fist fist long story short We ended up slapboxing and then I kind of like I cause a little bleeding on his lip a little bit and it was such a disappointing act of me because for me to say because I really don't like fighting.
Yes, but it really just came down to the point where he just kept talking and talking and there's a certain level where it's like, you know what he needs to have some like he needs to earn my respect a little bit because just trying to deescalate it. He wasn't it wasn't deescalating We were both slightly intoxicated and it was just super hard. And so that happens. We go back in the room and he starts charging me. He says, your mom's a bitch. You're a bitch, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, look, I've already reached the low of fighting you. Like, I can't. And he just, yeah, and he kept calling my mom a bitch.
He kept coming after my family, kept coming after me. And then I felt better about being just like, I got to walk away from this. He's like, so you're the kid. And then it was in front of everyone too. Like it was so much less like, there's just so much like. Pressure from people watching and then like everyone's just call me like he's called me a bitch and he's like he openly said Are you denying my offer like are you doing are denying my offer to fight you right now in front of everyone and I think under a normal circumstance With between two normal individuals.
Oh, yeah, that's where that's where that's where egos We just you know what let's go then let's go but for me I was like yes I'm declining your offer and I had to like it took a lot of me swallowing my pride to be well done Yes, I'm declining off in front of everyone and he just kept calling me a bitch and I was like look this party is not for you like we're this not for us We're making the scene right now. It's names party and I'm going and yeah And I'm like I'm above all this like let's just spend time together if it's really serious if this is really serious that we must fight We'll do it another time, but right now.
It's just like I've already thought you that was a real low for me I'm not gonna do it again, especially with everyone watching like call me bitch attack attack my family do whatever you want It really means nothing because you don't know anything about me to me It just didn't really mean a lot but under a normal that's under a normal circumstance Yeah, it's over between two normal individuals that would be the heated moment strong heated moment And it's like it takes a lot of pride to just take all that you're a bitch you're a bitch That's how all the fights start. That's how they all start.
Mm-hmm. That's how they all start I think you know what just for them because like for us I think Even I wouldn't say it's easy, but we we are able to put our egos in check for us because we've trained and That's a huge benefit of Marshall is it isn't well, I think we should get into that right after this But I think for everyone else just like realize fighting is not gonna get you anywhere the threat like Usually our egos feel like it's being threatened when people insult us. Yeah, it means nothing. It's worse. It's words. Yeah
Jhayden Calangi
It really it's totally dependent on how you interpret it or how you how you decide to consume what they've said to you because they could say like that guy who's calling me bitch calling my momma bitch I could have taken that in and chosen to be like my mom's not a bitch. Why are you coming from me? This is making me really angry. I'm gonna attack you now. I'm gonna attack you and it just takes that a little bit of a shift how you like consume the information to be like Actually actually listen to what he's saying. He's calling your mom a bitch think like think about the situation and for me when he was calling me that I was like This is my mom This is my family and I as a martial artist I train my ass I bust my ass in the gym I know my worth I know and I know I'm not a bitch like I'm totally okay with myself. Yeah
Eric Chow
So it's just like you know what in fact I'll out for them because you can say that as a martial artist They can't they might not be able to yeah, it doesn't matter you are worth it.
Jhayden Calangi
Yeah, just it's just so confident just just been confident with who you are and about yourself and just like There's no reason for me to interact with that type of energy. Yep, you know There's no reason for for me to be to kind of like entertain that energy a little more because I'm just gonna escalate escalate escalate escalate and so we just bump heads again A lot better to just know your worth, know yourself and just be able to say, you know what? It's not worth it. Yeah, if it means I'm a bitch to just de-escalate this whole situation and so be it. If in your head, if it makes you happier, it's all okay. Because I'm okay with just not planning.
Eric Chow
Yeah, yeah. And I think it's also like you can think I'm a bitch all you want. I don't care. Yeah. I understand it. In my mind, I'm not. I'm good. I'm good. I'm amazing. If you want to think that by all means... It was something like I don't I don't remember I'm trying to remember the quote, but I can't it's something around the lines of The way you perceive me is not at all my concern. It is not my responsibility. I don't care.
Jhayden Calangi
Yeah, that's why it's very important like when people say like staying your lane or just do you Yeah, like it's a short phrase and it's it's slightly overused and sometimes misunderstood a little bit I would say yeah, but really just take Do you like if you just do you nothing else will matter so much to you anymore like they relevant things Don't matter as much if you fall if you're focusing yourself focus on your growth Then you know how much you put into yourself and someone calling you a bitch You want you start to understand that things like that are just so below you yeah, so below you and it's like You start you just you've just grown and know yourself so much to a point where it's like I'm just way too above that to even deal with I'm too great to put out anything negative to you And I'm just like, you know, I just know myself too much to accept anything To accept any of that negative energy coming to me.
Eric Chow
I know how much I'm worth. Yeah, and I Let's let's get into like the what's come out of martial arts it beyond like Technique and beyond the fight beyond that. Let's let's let's go there because we're kind of hinting at it. Yeah, I remember those a point really like late in my martial arts career, I suppose you could say, where I was like, every time someone complimented me, every time, or someone said something nice about who I am, about my character, anything like that, I immediately, my head went, I learned that through martial arts. Or I was like, this person that I met through martial arts is the one who taught me that, or is the one who influenced me to be like that.
So it's made a huge impact on me. Even though it's been four years now, I still think of it as like a foundation from which I grew. Yeah. Because now I can't say, well, if you compliment me, like I can't in any way say someone, like you said, it's pretty amazing how you have a podcast. Yeah. I can't trace that back to martial arts in no way. But I can say that some of the things that influenced me at the foundation, it was martial arts for me. So how's it impacted your life?
Jhayden Calangi
And you're a person. I don't even know where to start because really I was such a different person before martial arts. I was an extremely different person and I'm just so glad to be where I'm at now because I feel like I'm at such a great place with my mind. Okay. And just where I am and a lot of it is just I owe it to martial arts. One really big thing that people don't really think about as a martial artist and I had this conversation yesterday with one of my friends. was that through martial arts, you learn to be accountable for your actions and you learn to be a little bit more responsible and you take accountability for the things that you do in your life.
For example, if you're training and something goes wrong and you get really upset, you just lose back and back and you just keep losing and losing and it's really demoralizing to just feel that constant defeat, it's like you can't You can either, you only have two options. It's either you walk away and quit or you accept that I did something wrong or I messed up somewhere. You have to take ownership of the mistake in order to get better. And the people who are still in there training for years and years and years, they are the strongest people because they're the people who are able to take the feet, take the feet and be accountable for it.
Because it's very easy to be accountable for a win. You win or you get a reward for doing something and you're like, yeah, I did that. You feel very prideful. But all of a sudden, once you start losing or when people start losing in life, say, people start losing, they feel like they're losing in life, they're down in life. They try to blame it on other things. Things that aren't like, oh, it was because of this, because of this, because of like, they have this like external locus of control. They think that the circumstances are or against them. And really you have to take accountability for some things.
There comes to a point where you need to be responsible for your actions and accept that things are losing because you're messing up somewhere and you have to be able to understand that and be okay with it and then develop on it. It's the steps, there's steps to it.
Eric Chow
Right. Yeah. I think one thing that you were saying in martial arts, it's really easy to take ownership because You'll last the fight there is nothing to blame. Yeah, like you can say oh this guy was better than me But like for example for you, they know the same techniques you do for me They're the same belt as I am. I've trained with them my like for a few years I know what their technique. I know their skills. I have the same ones. Yeah, there is no excuse It is my like I need to improve. Yeah in life. It's a little bit easier to just push blame.
Yeah blame those circumstances and sure yeah we can't control the weather we can't control someone else but there is always something you can change in any situation any situation just and that's the thing too like there many people will think that like problems are too big to be solved like problems are like it's beyond them to be able to have an impact on the situation have you seen Joker?
Jhayden Calangi
Haven't you haven't seen Joker. Okay. Well, I was gonna make a reference but make it make it so that some listeners might know it Alright, so if you guys have seen Joker Basically, it just I don't know you kind of have to watch the movie to kind of understand Yeah, but it's like if you just do your because people think that What the Joker talks about is a mental illness and what I was gonna get at is that There are so many people that want to prevent my mental illness or people like to kind of just talk about it and make it aware and like we need to we need to do this for we need to do this for it fund this for it fund that for it and if we can't get this big program going on that we'll never be able to fix it it's just it's just not true you can start start with what you can do start with what you can do right now even though as little as it seems if you just work a little bit towards it You you've helped in some way it's okay if it's 0.1% it's okay if it's 1% you've put something towards it to make it better and Relating to the Joker.
It's just being nice to people. Mm-hmm. You don't under you can't There's people that are you have to really watch the movie, but it's just say it say it for them say yeah, so like in the Joker Actually wait Is there spoilers? It's spoiler that's like that's why I'm just preventing but it's like don't do it The little things that you do during your day have a huge impact on other people whether you think of it or not you can just start somewhere start by saying hello to someone that can totally change someone's day smile at someone that small little thing well you don't even know if that'll make someone's day and if you can make and if I'm doing it with the intention to make someone's day and I smile at someone and they give a good response. It's like, man, that felt really good to make you feel good about yourself. And you lose nothing. You lose nothing. Who cares?
Eric Chow
Yeah, and if they're unhappy with it, then they didn't deserve the happiness. Or it's just like, you're probably going through something that's really tough for you right now. I can't even, I can not get mad at you. I can't really give happiness. If you don't like it, it's all right. Onto the next, you know, just keep on fueling you with some type of like, something that you can do is to make the things around you better. Start with what's around you. Yeah, absolutely. And I'll share a story that I heard. There's a guy by the name of Kevin Heinz. Kevin Heinz. He is a, he survived an attempt of suicide.
He jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. Oh, first of all, yeah, he survived. First of all, no one, like everyone dies. Yeah, that's an impact. The guy who pulled him out the water, the coast guard was like, you're the first person I've ever seen that has survived. years of whatever so it's it's Incredible but and I bring up his story only to say When he was talking about because he took a bus to the Golden Gate Bridge before you did it and he was saying like dude none of my friends and When I say he said it he didn't say it to me. I just heard the story.
I wish I met the guy. I wish I could shake his hand back. Yeah, I would love to do that but no He was saying like his friends didn't Or I don't know if you even had friends, I'm not even sure. But like the people around him hadn't been able to realize or hadn't helped him or hadn't been able to acknowledge his pain. And especially for someone who is in pain, most of the time they're having a hard time sharing it. But he was on the bus and going to the bridge. This is like right before he's about a job. He's in the bus and he's crying.
And he's just hoping. One person is gonna say, hey man, you all right. That's all he wants in life. No one said anything. He gets out of the bus at the Golden Gate Bridge. He's standing at the edge. He's not jumping off yet. He's just waiting, thinking, pondering. Is he gonna do it? Is he not hoping someone's gonna say, hey, are you all right? Nobody says anything. All he needed was, hey, you all right?
Jhayden Calangi
You would love the Joker the Joker that is exactly what the Joker touches on exactly from the beginning to the end and it's such a beautiful well-crafted movie and it just really made me think like it just reinforced my own personal values of Just do something nice not to get something out of it Yeah, but just to make the other person feel better about themselves Like I think about a time like for me before martial arts where I was really fragile and really afraid of everyone and like I'm really afraid of everything to do anything and I'm like, what would I want to hear as fragile J-Dane?
What would I want to, if I was fragile J-Dane, what would I want people to react? Like, how would I want people to treat me? Like, I wanted to, like, when I was fragile J-Dane, I wanted people to come out to me and reach out to me and be really just supportive and acknowledge that some of the things that I'm going through and a lot of it just wasn't there. So now I just go around and I'm like... I'm gonna smile at someone because I know I would have wanted to be smiled at or I'm gonna I'm gonna go hold the door open for someone because I Would have liked for someone to acknowledge me on this day And so it's like just little things really makes people's days better and if you can make someone else's days better You can make your own day is just oh it's so much better.
Yeah, but just like You just feel lifted you feel very like in a high frequency kind of like just very appreciative like very like thing I'm very thankful just to be helping people.
Eric Chow
I like what you said there too. You said that's what you would have wanted. I realized a few months ago and I don't know if I think you might relate to this. I realized a few months ago I had become the exact sort of person that I think probably like four years ago. I didn't have a certain kind of person in my life and I'd become the exact person that I would have wanted.
Jhayden Calangi
That's beautiful. That's beautiful. It's a great way to give to, if you really feel like you're powerless, if someone really feels like they're powerless in this world, the least you can do is just give, you know? And it costs nothing. Like you can give. And it's just a way of giving yourself back to the community. And I think that's something that everyone benefits from. There's no reason to be negative about anything or to be mean to other people because Why would I add to someone's reasons to have a bad day or feel bad about themselves when I can add to the reasons why they should be happy? And it just makes everyone happy and it just makes you happy.
Eric Chow
There's no there's no there's no really drawback from it. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think that Yeah, a lot of people aren't don't realize like people are also going through stuff and it's like You don't know what's happening and my life. I don't know what's happening in yours, even though we're chatting with each other. Our best friends probably don't know everything that's going on in our lives. It's not that hard to be nice. If they're doing really good, then you're doing really good. That is just good energy. If they're not doing really good, you're giving them a little boost.
Jhayden Calangi
Yeah. That's what some people need just to get rolling. Some people, they just need that small little boost and then suddenly they just feel really good about themselves. For me, whenever I'm having a bad day and it feels really bad, and then there's just some random stranger who does something really small just to make me smile or something really small just to make my life a little easier for no reason, I just feel like, wow, that person did not have to do that at all. They didn't have to do it. They don't know me. They don't have to do a thing for me. And they decided to take time out of their own day.
Treat me. Yeah. And I say treat me as kind of like a, it's not really treating me, but you know, it's treating my soul, treating my spirit just to be hella nice.
Eric Chow
Let me ask you this question in a different way. What would be the one word or two words or three words that you would say that you got from martial arts? I can give my answer first if you want.
Jhayden Calangi
I would say confidence. Confidence. Yeah, like one, two, three words. Yeah, confidence. Responsibility and happiness. Yeah, happiness. Like when I'm in there, I just feel truly just happy. And like that. And that's what I feel about with any type of like physical activity that I do now. I just feel really happy. It's like meditation almost. Especially when I'm in jujitsu and I'm grappling with someone on the floor. Or you're not thinking about anything else. I'm not thinking of anything else except for the techniques in my head. And it takes a lot to be in such like just scrambling on the floor and be able to keep your mind calm and be able to think like rationally and logically.
It takes a lot of... brain power and it's really a form of meditation because you have to keep your thoughts in order and anything else that may come across your mind is like that's a waste of brain spoons. You can't do it. You need to be focused right here on the now and be calm in this like calm in the storm you know and it takes a lot of and for me it's just like that's why I feel happy because no matter how bad my day got no matter how bad my day was Even if I didn't want to come into training I was like I know that after this training I'm gonna feel great and that has never failed me It has never been falling swear I go into training and I feel worse That's never there's never been a time where I've been into training got out and feel worse never because there's even days where I'm like I don't want to come in and train I don't want to like my body sore or my I just don't want you I'm tired I had school today I have all the reasons not to go but if you just get your ass in there and finish it, you were guaranteed to feel better.
And that's for everyone who needs a message or is looking for a sign to start working out or get your body in shape. This is your sign, like do it. Just do it because you feel great afterwards. Even though it's hard, you feel great. You just feel great about yourself.
Eric Chow
One of the first things I missed when I stopped training, first things was... no matter what was going on. I went into the dojo, I stepped in there and everything else going on in my life left out at the door, right at the door. I step on the mat, no one cares what's going on. We're here to train, we're here to be president, we're here to, you know, a bunch of like- The Velikit children. Exactly.
Jhayden Calangi
And the best part is just being around by other human beings, because you get that interaction with people, especially in a time now where everything's just on the phone, on the phone, everything's all digital. Leave everything at the door and you can come and interact. It brings you back to just interacting with other people. And there's something special about being able to interact with other human beings and expressing yourself and themselves to each other and just being around each other that makes people feel lifted and great and just happy to be human.
Eric Chow
Yeah. And I think one thing I'll also add, because I do want to, I also want to go back to confidence and responsibility, what you said. For people who are not even in martial arts not even working out Which by the way if you are interested in doing martial arts do it if you're interested in working out do it period also I'd like to say that I'm a trainer at nine round kickboxing in Union City.
Jhayden Calangi
There you go, and it's right by Safeway So if you guys are looking for a free workout come in there free free the first workout is free Okay, I'm in there on a Tuesday Thursday or Saturday and I'll be there and really get in there. I'm a trainer solely for the reason of helping. It's a fitness thing, but our fitness is through kickboxing. And so I'm a trainer solely for being just because I want to give other people the feeling that I feel when I train. I want people to feel happy. I want people to feel like they have a sense of responsibility. They're accountable for their things.
And I want people to just understand that they're capable. make them just happy, you know, just give them their relief that everything's okay. Let them leave all their baggage at the door and just I want to be a person to be I want to be that person to facilitate your great day.
Eric Chow
So stop by a nine round kickboxing, you know, Ian City. Boom. I'll put something in the episode description for you guys. Yeah. So for those who don't, who aren't part of it, if you are, if you want to be, go for it. What have you learned that has allowed you to do it? So like so that somebody doesn't have to like because I don't want to give out the message like you have to do martial arts. Yeah, learn this. Oh, how can you what's what's what is the lesson?
Jhayden Calangi
Really it really what it really really really boils down to because we're just talking about martial arts martial arts and it's like you can only learn these things through martial arts. Right. That's not what I was saying. What it really it what it really boils down to is having a passion like I feel like it's really important for people. to be interested in something like you have to be interested like you need to be the benefits of having a passion are everything that we just spoke about yes just investing into something and because anything that you start you're not going to be the you're not going to be great at for the majority of people the things that you start you're not going to be great at but if you like it enough then you're willing to take you can call it a loss every day when you're doing that whatever it is your hobby You know, finding that passion that keeps you thinking that keeps you it gives you a purpose in life like I need to get better I'm gonna I'm gonna better myself for my passion that that's exactly how I feel about Marshall Arts because now that I'm in Marshall Arts I'm doing other things that will supplement me so I can be better for Marshall Arts and it just makes an impact on my life all around all around having that passion
Eric Chow
I think one thing I do want to touch on I think there's a misconception around the word passion in that people think that a passion has to be something you're good at or something that you have to turn it like people say turn your passion into a career. That doesn't have to be true. I would say like like for both of us the first day we walked in you were scared. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I was tragic. We have losses all the time in the dojo. With this podcast sometimes, I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing. I was telling Jayden before the episode started. There was some difficulties editing. There's all sorts of problems.
Jhayden Calangi
You guys wouldn't be able to imagine that. I thought it was just all recording, but there's way more to it.
Eric Chow
Yeah. So, you know... Passion doesn't mean you have to be good at it. You don't have to love every moment of it even but just something that you genuinely enjoy and I think that definitely will build confidence Responsibility because you love it you want to do it.
Jhayden Calangi
So you're gonna you're gonna hold yourself accountable and it makes you it makes you an interesting person to people who are passionate about something they're they're unique they've digressed from some sort of path That's why like after high school It was such an interesting event right there. Just something that's very interesting to observe because everyone in high school is put kind of on that same kind of path almost. Everyone is in the same place, see the same faces. Everyone has the same schedule. Yeah. After high school. Where are you going now? People digress into who they are, who they want to be and their own interests.
And it's really cool because people start to learn that, hey, it's much better doing what I like to do. rather than impressing the people in high school. You know what I mean? And people need that experience that I don't have to do what people want me to do. And that's why like, yeah, yeah, that's why.
Eric Chow
Yeah. One of one of my biggest things. This is this is the line I use when I describe my podcast. Empowering people to live life more consciously. authentically and meaningfully. Those are the three words. Those are the my three words. Like that's that's it.
Jhayden Calangi
Powerful. Yeah. Yeah. Living consciously is a big one. Because and we can say living living consciously and then there could be some people like I was a victim of this too. The brows like. What do you guys mean living consciously? I'm totally living conscious. I know that I'm I know that I'm living this was back in high school for sure. Oh me too. Me too. It couldn't have even been that long ago. Maybe six months ago where I was like dude, I'm living consciously. What do you mean? And then I started getting into kind of like personal growth books self health. Yeah, self growth books like personal development books.
And I was like, and then it put into like. to put onto a pedestal about all the things that I do unconsciously that I just wasn't even aware of. And I was like, wow, maybe I'm not living as consciously as I thought I was. No one ever is. Once I started switching that up, it was like, I was able to tweak my life in a way where I'm like, hmm, just what am I doing? Like, what am I really doing? Am I just doing things to do things? Or am I doing things with purpose?
Eric Chow
Yeah. And now I'm living more about doing things with purpose. And it's just so, so, so like. I think one thing. Treating you so well. One thing I like, I'll add for me is, even though I say like live consciously, I still have so far to go. Yeah. I know there's so much I do that I'm like, I have nothing. There's always. I'm growing at the same time. That's the coolest thing.
Jhayden Calangi
And there's days where it feels like, because as much as I want to stay in a conscious kind of state of mind or I'm conscious about what I'm doing, there are days where I'm like, how did I feel so great before? Because I feel like shit today. How did I feel so great before? And for me it was frustrating because I would always think like, man I don't have my grasp on this consciousness thing. I don't have this grasp of living in the moment and being okay. And just I don't have, I didn't grasp it and I thought I did. But for me what it really came down to was just understanding that by being conscious you understand that not every day is gonna be the day where you feel really good.
Not every day is gonna be like that. It's inevitable that it gets up and down, up and down. And even on those days when you feel down, You just have to try your best. Yeah, it's inevitable. It's not it's not something that it's like man My days are supposed to go like this. They're supposed to go like this. You're supposed to experience just experience be there Yeah, whatever it is just be there and watch your life improve Yeah, really you'll watch a life improve if you start being okay with situations and dealing with them rather than Reacting to them. Yeah deal with it face it Again learned it from martial arts deal with that problem in front of you. There's no what there's no running away. There's no running away You run away.
Eric Chow
You're gonna die Yeah, you're gonna die especially in after high school if you keep up with that running away mentality You you're gonna have a tough life because you can't run away from everything and there's no running if you're if you're always focused on impressing people to Distract you're gonna get into those fights. You're gonna your ego is gonna be
Jhayden Calangi
doing everything and distracted from the real meaning of being because if you're worried about other people then you're putting that extra load on yourself for what reason yeah for what reason I remember going to a party and I was just super quiet everyone I didn't know anyone at the party and I was super quiet and I was just super confused I was like I don't know what to do like I don't what do I do everyone's just standing around nobody really knows what to do like and I'm seeing different people, because this is after high school, I'm seeing different people, and I'm like, I don't really know how to act, like how do I act?
And I'll act some way with this person and some way with this person, and I'm so like, so confused in my own head on how to act towards certain people, I'm like, okay, I forgot how I act with you, because this is post high school. And it kind of like exemplifies how in high school people put on different masks for different situations. And for me, And this was also when I was kind of under the influence of a psychedelic. So for me, it was this experience was I was super in it. I was super like experienced, experiencing it times 10. And I was able to recognize that I'm putting on all these different personas for each person.
And I'm stressing myself out, keeping track of each persona that I must hold up for each person. I'm getting confused. I'm stressing out. I'm really stressing out. And then I came into this realization. during my trip and I was just like, you know what? Everything would be so much easier, Jaden, if you just focus on how you, if you just focus on yourself, stop focusing on how you're going to act towards everyone, stop focusing on this and this with each individual, you're stressing yourself out. Think about it like this, worry about yourself and everything else will just come. Just worry about how you put yourself out there and if people are judging you for how you're acting.
Then they don't deserve to be around you or you don't need to be around that person. Yeah, because it's not mandatory to interact with everyone. Yeah, and And this is crazy because out this is when I was like under the influence of a psychedelic and it was just really putting to perspective for me like making these connections that I Doing all these unconscious things I didn't realize and now I'm realizing it and it's okay to just Be yourself. You don't have to be friends with everyone You don't have to put on this image for everyone just worried about yourself And once I figured that out during the party I felt so much better like anxiety-free I felt like being myself and I felt very prideful of myself and proud to be who I am and the people who are around me because I'm myself And if people are around me while I'm being myself, these are the real people that I need around me because they respect me for who I really, really, really am.
With the masks off, all my, I'm not gonna say all my masks, because there's a mask where it's just like just me, but most of my masks are off. Like, all of them, like damn near, this is the bare version of me and you're still around me and that's why it's very important to be yourself. Yeah. Very important to be yourself. You find the people who you want to surround yourself with because if yourself and you find that people aren't that your closest friends are leaving you and you start once you start being yourself, maybe they're not your closest friends. Yeah. Because if they're not going to be around you when you're really yourself, don't be sad. Be glad that you're weeding out people who didn't respect you for who you really are.
Eric Chow
Yeah. Those of you who. because some of my listeners are still gonna be in high school. Those of you who are still there, I would, it's hard to- It's definitely hard to- It's hard to drop it.
Jhayden Calangi
It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it.
Eric Chow
It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. It's hard to drop it. If you're out of high school now is your chance Very few of the people who are with you are still with you.
Jhayden Calangi
Yes Then and be very aware of that like look at the like for those of you have just left high school Think about the how much your circle has changed or how much the people you serve who do you still see that you saw before? Who is still around who still makes that effort to see you and who do you feel like you need to give effort to see and think about think about that and those are the people that I think might be lifelong friends. Cause for me, like middle school through now, I still have kind of the same people that had around me and some of them have been weeded out, some of them have been reintroduced.
And it's just, just noticed patterns that are happening in your life that have been kind of naturally. And if it's happening naturally, then you have this kind of like, a nape pull towards these certain people, then maybe that's who you need to be. Then maybe that's who you are. Maybe that's You see a little bit of yourself in that person. So that's why you're around them. Stay with the people who make you feel good about yourself. Surround yourself with people who support you, who really make you feel good about who you really, really are. And then your life will skyrocket. Happiness. You'll start feeling very, very just happy with yourself and where you're at and who you're with and like confident, more confident, more secure.
Eric Chow
Jaden, let's go back to confidence, responsibility, happiness. Someone's not getting into martial arts. Someone's not going to work out. How can they in whatever situation in their lives, be more, find confidence, be more responsible and happy?
Jhayden Calangi
I think that one of the biggest things out of all three of those is being confident. Okay. Once you're confident then you can kind of use your confidence to Towards anywhere in life like it doesn't just it doesn't just apply to one one place like confidence The way you present yourself is very very important just with everything. Yeah, so I think I think to find that My confidence with yourself and just feeling secure with who you are you need to you need to spend some time with yourself I think you need to spend some time with yourself and look at yourself objectively Like look at yourself real objectively like don't put any bias into it.
Don't think with your own head. Like really put yourself outside it kind of like put yourself outside your body and and observe the things that you do. If you were a random person seeing it, would you still be doing those things or or. Just look at how you are and observe the things that you do and really understand yourself. Like the biggest part is knowing the things you do and understand that you do them and the more that you get to know yourself, the more that you can kind of interact with other people because you can understand what they're seeing of you. Because I feel like too many people don't know like a lot about themselves.
Yeah. I think a lot of people are confused and they think they do they think they do yeah, and that's that's the that's the worst part about this is because With finding confidence some people will settle with like oh right here This is me and then you soon find out that oh, maybe maybe it's not oh, maybe this is and then you'll soon find out maybe it's not so Settling is definitely not something you should do if you're looking to be more confident It's always going in a direction whether it's forward, whether it's back, whether it's sideways, off track, whatever. Just don't stay in that same place.
Eric Chow
Discover yourself, you know? Yeah. And I think it kind of goes back to what we were talking about earlier too. Like if you're confident and someone's insulting you, your family or whatever in like those situations that could escalate into a fight and you're not confident you don't know yourself, you're like, oh he's saying I'm a bitch. Yeah. Maybe I am. But if you know yourself and you have a level of respect for yourself, for you it was I go to the gym. I work. I put in the work. I have respect for myself. I'm not a bitch. I know that because you have respect for yourself.
Jhayden Calangi
That makes you confident. It's a little less leaning towards that like me knowing that I'm not a bitch. It's not like I'm trying to prove anything. It's more of just understanding that I don't need this. It's more of just I'm really just Okay, I'm above all this like with everything else that happens that I go through that I experience in life like if you're just focusing on yourself You you run into obstacles right and dealing with those obstacles are a lot harder like they have they have a much more impact on me than your words and just being able to compare those two is it's like The everything that I did that makes me me is just way above whatever you have to say that would put me down because if you focus on yourself enough you know how much you put into you know how much you invest into yourself I'm not gonna let someone that's below me bring me down yeah you know just knowing see and just knowing that much more about yourself gives you the confidence to stand your ground and like really that confidence is really just what you need what you need to be okay and secure
Eric Chow
I'm going to take this back to something you said earlier, which was pick and choose your own battles. Yeah. Let's, and I want to take it beyond just like literal physical fights and also beyond like verbal argument sort of thing. The way I, and I've started to think about this probably past year or two maybe and it's everything I do. Um, actually you touched on this earlier too. How valuable is it? So like for you, it was, um, Am I doing this because I'm doing this or am I doing this for purpose? Yeah. So for me it was like, okay, well I'm watching this YouTube video.
What's the value I'm getting out of it? Am I being entertained? Am I learning something from it? Yeah. If it's neither of those things, what am I doing? Am I just wasting my time because I don't want to do something else? Oh, now that's a problem. I don't want to do that.
Jhayden Calangi
And that and its own, um, it. You just implied that we need awareness. Yeah, that takes a lot of awareness to recognize that I'm not just mindlessly doing scrolling and doing things and That's why for me. That's why I like Taking psychedelics because once when I'm under the forces. Yeah, when I'm under the when I'm going through a trip I puts everything that I've put in the back of my head and throws it to the front and everything just gets laid out there and I think that's why whenever I'm in a trip and I'm on my phone, when I'm in a trip, I kind of don't know what to do and if I'm in a bad environment, I reach for my phone and I start mindlessly scrolling and I catch myself and it kind of makes me uncomfortable.
I get very uncomfortable on my trip when I'm on my phone because it's like I have no purpose at what am I getting out of this. It's very...
Eric Chow
brings mind conscious to the front and it's like once you start being aware of the things that you do you can start putting meaning behind your actions and leaving living a more meaningful life I like I like what you said to like it makes you feel like uncomfortable because it's like I just said I'm watching this YouTube video because because I don't want to do something else and I'm just doing this mindlessly I'm not getting anything out of it that's a scary thought that's a scary thought and people people aren't able to
Jhayden Calangi
some people, a lot of people aren't able to recognize that. It takes effort to be aware. As simple as it sounds, like, oh, of course I'm aware of what I'm doing, of course I'm conscious. Just consider it. Surrender all that thought of thinking that you know, you know, you know. Say for instance that you don't know and then start looking at it, then you will realize that, man, I have some pretty bad habits. Damn right. Because that's what happened to me. I put away my prod, I put away my ego, I put away my fear of thinking that maybe I'm not doing enough. I put away all that fear and started to be able to accept that if you aren't doing enough, then start doing.
Then start doing what you consider enough. Yeah. And it's just, and then once you start really breaking it down into smaller chunks, you see that like, oh, it is totally possible for me to do things, whatever it may be. If you really just break it down, work toward it. Yeah. Break it down.
Eric Chow
I'm gonna, so when I asked you the three words that you, the three biggest things you took from martial arts, one of mine is humility. Ooh, that's very important. That's one of mine. And that's something you were saying too, like, we don't know everything, we may feel like we do, we never do. even now, when we're, whatever, even though I feel comfortable talking about certain topics, I know I don't know everything. I have so much to learn. You and me were talking about martial arts and how we've met some amazing masters. I mean, they're just incredible. And even with my, I mean, I think I've had not quite six years, but almost six years total of martial arts training.
Jhayden Calangi
That's a pretty good chunk considering I'm a good amount of time six years.
Eric Chow
Yeah, I know yeah for sure, but even now I'm like I don't know Everything I mean so much. Oh, yeah, I was talking about things.
Jhayden Calangi
Yeah, usually like when you have a hobby You're talking to someone you're gonna continue on the idea go for it go for I remember say that like Where we talking about the? We were talking about masters and oh, yeah, you could be like whatever it is You could be training something for as long as you want as long as you want yeah, but like especially in martial arts There's never gonna be a time where like even if I've been training for 60 years I can be able to say okay I know all the jujitsu there needs to be known I know all the boxing that there needs to be known and it's just not that way It's always not how anything works.
Yeah, how anything in the world works So if there's anyone out there who feels like I'm where I need to be right now and I'm gonna stay right here because this is where I want it to be and now I'm here. There's more. There's so much more. A big thing to keep in your head is kind of like just reach for a goal and once you reach it, go further. Now hit that goal and once you've reached that goal, go further because goals aren't just something to hit and like oh I've hit it, I'm good right here. No, no, no matter how far you know, no matter how much work you've put into something You just know more about it.
There's still so much to learn even the greatest Masters at anything. They're there the reason why their masters is because they're always a student Masters are always a student. Yes, and that's why the wisest people are so wise. They don't say, I know everything now. I'm a chess master, I've been doing this for 20 years, I know all the chess. It's just not like that. If you're a true master, you're always a student.
Eric Chow
I remember my master told me when I got my black belt, he's like, oh, you got your black belt. Now it's time to start training.
Jhayden Calangi
Yeah, I'm like, damn. That's funny as that is. It's like, man, you're so funny.
Eric Chow
You got so far away. And then there's levels to it. And the thing is too, I was thinking about as you were talking and I just realized this. Even if you like, if you've trained for 60 years in martial arts in anything you're doing. You might know all the quote unquote skills that currently exist. But like you were saying, it's about how you apply it. So even with like the things we're talking about, we're talking about how we can be confident, respectful, we can see happiness, we can see our passions. Even though we know all the skills, we know all these concepts, we're still working on it.
Even though everything I share on this podcast, everything I share, everything Jaden ever shares, It's not about we know what we're talking about. It's this is something we found and we're working on it.
Jhayden Calangi
Yeah, it's something we found and that's why it's so so nice to have a hobby because that's why people with hobbies and passions are so unique and such characters because it's something that anyone can pick up but what makes it truly unique to you is the style that you as an individual put on it. It's not that that's why some people are better than others at things. It's because We can both learn the thing, whatever it is, whatever that you're into, but just for the purpose of this topic, we're going to start stick with MMA. If we both know the style and the technique, if you both know the techniques, say we both learn from same instructor for years and years and years, one person is better than the other only because of the style that they put with the technique.
You have to apply yourself to something. And that's what then with hobbies and passions to be to be really into it. And to really get into it, you have your force to apply yourself onto it. And that's what makes things just so unique and makes people unique. Because they just put their own twist onto things. And it's like, I've never seen it that way. It's never been done that way. You're the first to do it that way. And that's why you're so that's why I like speaking with people with passions and hobbies. And they're just so interesting, so interesting.
Eric Chow
Have their own little flavor. If you haven't found yours, the only tip and it's kind of a. sucky tip. It's try it. Just just go out and try something.
Jhayden Calangi
Try it. Try it. Make yourself uncomfortable today, guys.
Eric Chow
Try it. Yeah, exactly. Make yourself uncomfortable today. I'll take I'll go back to what I was gonna say. I was talking to this was this is probably like August, September. Yeah. Like I said, I haven't trained for like around four years now, maybe a little longer.
Jhayden Calangi
Oh, but this is like the recent August, September.
Eric Chow
Yes. I met up with a master that I used to So he was never my master, but he was a friend of the sensei that I trained under. Okay. And so he came all the time. He held some seminars. So I knew the guy he knew me. We trained together. I literally like one on one train together, all those things. So he hit me up out of nowhere. We ended up meeting up just for like two hours, just to chat and catch up a little bit. And The amazing thing I realized, and this is exactly how it was when I was training still, he was never like above me. It was totally like this guy's eighth degree black belt in Kajukama. He's up there, up there. And there was never any point where...
Jhayden Calangi
The way that you said like he's not above you, are you saying like... He's like you guys are equal skilled or you say he never made you seem yes below you yeah in terms of martial arts skill He'll wreck me dude. Yeah, I mean we're sure but that's how we learn and that's why it goes back to what we're saying about like treating other people the way like you would want to be treated if Back then and he and it's like he treated me.
Eric Chow
So I mean we there was so much respect and I remember at some point I think I said You know, the interesting thing about this is usually the older person would never want to ask for advice, never want help from the younger person. I was genuinely giving him advice. Advice.
Jhayden Calangi
And he was giving me advice and we were having a very productive conversation and it's productive when you don't butt heads Yeah, that's why it gets very productive when you don't butt heads once you start setting like this divider between you guys or something that might divide you guys That's when you start bumping heads.
Eric Chow
That's when the ego starts coming in and it's like and he could have easily He's a baby just told you and he's like why you're way older than me like it's the beyond martial arts We weren't even talking about we were talking about life. Yeah, like he's whale
Jhayden Calangi
He could very easily ego kick said yeah, no he wouldn't that's why it's that's why it's super important to have fair conversations with everybody don't think you're above anyone or don't think that any idea you're above because no matter where you are in life no matter what walk you're in someone else is in a different walk and Yeah, and then there's no like levels that puts you above someone else It's just literally as it is. It's just different walks. It's not, oh, I'm above you because I'm here or you're below me because you're here or we might be equal. Even though you guys have similar things, similar interests, it's literally just a different walk.
Don't think of it as for a second, third, fourth, different walks. And then you will be able to understand that there's other perspectives and you can develop yourself more. And you can just be more the more that you're aware of the other things, the more that you have an appreciation, the more that you're nice.
Eric Chow
the more nice you get. I can very, I could have said since I started before you, I know more about martial arts. Yeah. No, I, that's, I don't think that's at all the attitude I've ever given in this interview exactly.
Jhayden Calangi
So, and we could have easily been like, Oh, well, your martial arts is not like my martial arts or how come you don't do it or maybe like, you know, just or you could have been like, I'm still doing it.
Eric Chow
So therefore Eric is not up there as I am because he's been not doing it for four years.
Jhayden Calangi
Really just understanding that people have different situations like for me. I used to always impose like Like I I failed to understand that I feel I failed to have that kind of like empathy sort of Like I fail to see that people are on different walks and I'd always impose my values on other people so strongly and I'd be like, why don't you think this way, it should be this way? Especially like, this was a very like big problem in my relationship early on. I would like impose a lot of my values onto my partner and like, why is this not a thing? Like, this is like common sense blah blah blah.
And I'd be like, and I'd think that's all her, all her, all her. And then I would sit down with myself and I came to realize like, Man you have to have more empathy like because I would claim I have empathy like yeah empathy I can see how you feel like but really what I was doing when I would say I'm putting myself in your shoes I just had my brain in my head and I just put myself in your shoes, but my brain's still in my head. But you really have to take yourself out of your brain and put yourselves into theirs. Not just chain shoes, because you can chain shoes and keep that same brain.
And if you keep that same brain, then you're like, oh, see, look, it's still unfair. I'm in your shoes. But no, you really have to take yourself out and put it in there. That's when I realized like, wow, maybe I am really just being unfair, because not everyone has the same values. We're all on a day. different walk in life that needs to be understood if you want to create meaningful relationships. I like the analogy you just did. It's a good one. It's a little bit flawed but it gets the concept right. It's a concept right. Like you really need to take yourself. It's not as simple as just because people think I'll put myself in your shoes.
Eric Chow
I mean I can take off my shoe. You can take out my shoes right now but it doesn't mean anything.
Jhayden Calangi
Switch. And it's like yeah I can see where you're coming from but I'm still gonna think the way I think. There's because I respect for yeah, and have respect for there's levels to understanding another person that you can go into someone's shoes and understand where they're coming from and stick with your ideas and justify yourself or You can really put yourself in their shoes think like them justify yourself from their position and then compare yourself with them and then you guys can find some calming ground It's not it's not enough to just switch shoes Stick with your same brain. Yeah, cuz you don't get anywhere with that you might as well.
Eric Chow
I've just stayed in your own shoes. Yeah, yeah At least your shoes will probably fit better. Yeah It's better any any last thing you want to say on the podcast?
Jhayden Calangi
I'm not really I think I just want to say Make yourselves uncomfortable guys. Mm-hmm really get yourself out there do something you think you never get into I never fucking wanted to do martial arts. I never wanted to, dude. I was so skinny. I had all the reasons why not to join. And here I am super passionate about something. And it was something that I feared so heavily. I feared it heavily. So if there's anything I want to say to you guys, it's really just be uncomfortable today and tomorrow.
Eric Chow
I'll share this too. I wasn't going to create a podcast.
Jhayden Calangi
Look where I am now. What the heck? I've never spoken to Eric before. Yes. Yeah, if we didn't even mention this yet. Yeah, we did. How can we not mention this?
Eric Chow
Yeah, I don't know. I normally I've mentioned this. Maybe maybe in the intro. Maybe in the intro.
Jhayden Calangi
Yeah. Yeah. I might as well. Like we've I've never spoke to Eric. Never. We met today. Yeah. And it was a little bit uncomfortable for me too. Cause I was like, I don't know him at all. He doesn't know me. But. I had faith that we would keep a conversation and we did and it was super, it was just super nice. It was really, it was really nice. So make yourself uncomfortable, you never know what you're gonna get and sometimes it can be great.
Eric Chow
Yeah. Sometimes. Sometimes, yeah. That's actually, I'm actually really surprised that we never mentioned this yet. Like we, so Jayden messaged me on Twitter at some point.
Jhayden Calangi
It was when you tweeted out that you're gonna start a podcast. Okay, and I love listening to Joe Rogan's podcast I listen a little bit to Ben Shapiro's podcast and some grappling podcast and I was like Man, I love sharing my ideas. Like if I could get a pla- if I can be on someone's podcast or be on my own or just have a platform to document my ideas, that'd be great. Like I've always wanted that. And I saw the opportunity when you said I'm starting a podcast and I was like, I need to get on this. Like I need to get on this. Yeah, and it's crazy because you had no idea about me.
Eric Chow
I had no idea. You were just like, oh, he has a podcast.
Jhayden Calangi
I'll do it. And this was before you even really had it. It was before you really had it. Right, so you didn't even know what I was talking about? I didn't even know if it was going to be a for sure idea because you could have easily just said that you're going to do it and pulled out. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And now we're now here. We're really here. And I'm like, I'm so grateful that I reached that. Like also that sees your opportunity. If something's happening, there's a reason. There's a reason sees it. If it's something, if it's saying something to you, if it's rubbing you a little bit in the direction where you're, where you're just looking in that direction, it makes you look that way. Maybe there's a reason. Maybe there's a reason and just sees it.
Eric Chow
I'll add to this. See you. Jaden is a stranger. I am sitting in his car right now. I mean, this is, I mean, this could be pretty sketch. Yeah. I've talked with one, two, three strangers other than Jaden on the podcast. Yeah. Never met any of these three people in my entire life. I mean, I could have easily been like. Exactly but hey something tells me it worked it's worth it and we didn't I don't wait when you messaged me did you know we had mutual friends I Know no, I don't think we have a lot of mutual do we have mutual sending yeah, yeah, I'm not paying for sure But other than that like I would talk about
Jhayden Calangi
Eric Chow Eric Chow and they didn't really know much except for that you posted a little bit on Twitter about your podcast there we go Other than that they don't like not a lot of like we don't have a lot of mutuals sounding. Yeah, really something But that's about it. Yeah, so I mean that's just Incredible. Yeah, yeah, but it was really nice talking to you man.
Eric Chow
Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for being on of course
Jhayden Calangi
Of course and it was like trouble. Yeah, trouble scheduling.
Eric Chow
Oh wait another week and I was like man I'm looking forward to yeah Last week we were supposed to record and I just I wasn't feeling good.
Jhayden Calangi
I was sick and tied to cancel on him It all came to work out pretty well. Look at this. This is a beautiful day. Come on. It's such a beautiful day I like the setting of being outside because it just feels better being outside.
Eric Chow
Yes, we feel in a better mood with the sun out and everything exactly Alright guys, thank you for listening. The amount of fun, the amount of new connections and amazing conversations that I've had as a result of the podcast, including this episode, was so unforeseeable and has been so awesome to me. And I've really enjoyed it. So thank you guys for tuning in to every episode. The fact that Jaden and I met for the first time just to record this episode and that we got into it so easily and so quickly is just absolutely phenomenal. Like I said in the beginning, I really hope that Jaden and I were able to really give you guys the lessons and benefits that we've gotten from our years of training and giving you something to Take and apply in your life to make your life better.
Hopefully we've done the hard work and we're passing on the lessons well enough For you guys to take the benefit. I really hope that is true But I will say again both Jayden and I have gotten so much out of our Training martial arts and had so much fun doing it that we would both recommend that you do some training yourself or at the very least you start exercising you can hit up Jaden for that personal training offer that he gave if you so please Connect with me on social media Instagram and Twitter at underscore chow. Eric, let me know your thoughts on the episode.
Give me some feedback on the podcast. If you have questions about anything that was discussed in this episode or any other or just in general, absolutely feel free to message me. And if you got value out of this episode, please share it all across social media. That would mean so much to me. And if you want to connect with Jaden. You can find him at Jaden Kalange on Instagram and Twitter and in the episode description. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. I will see you for episode 13, but until then, have a fantastic rest of the day.