Where Confidence Comes From, Following Our Own Timelines, and More
Host: Eric Chow · September 7, 2019 · Episode 7 · 42 minutes
Transcribed from the episode audio and edited for names and terms. Wording can differ slightly from what was said; the episode itself is the record.
Quoted from this episode: 4 quotes on the quotes page.
What is up everybody welcome back to the Eric Chow Empowers Podcast That was a little clip from an amazing song called face to face by Kayla Marie a 18 year old singer Who came out with this song about a month ago and I've listened to it many times that I wanted to share it because I have a platform so why not and I enjoyed it so why not You can find the song face-to-face on Spotify iTunes and YouTube if you like it Which I do As for this episode. Oh, by the way Kayla's socials are gonna be in the episode description In this episode, I'm going solo again to talk about confidence and where I get mine and I go pretty deep into that topic I also discuss timelines following our own when it comes to life and sharing a bit of my struggle with doing that.
And finally, I also end on some quick notes about noise, about society, and combining both confidence and timeline topics into just one little wrap up. And That'll pretty much be it for the episode there. Yeah, without further ado, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you guys enjoyed that little clip. Maybe I'll be doing more of that in the future. Who knows? Yeah, without further ado, this is episode seven. You know, it's interesting doing these solo episodes because.
Initially, you know, I was thinking like when I do my episodes with guests, it's a conversation. And so as long as I have a few topics that I want to touch on, the rest of it really just becomes a conversation and it's really natural and really easy and free flowing. But with these solar episodes, I felt like, oh, I have to have everything laid out, everything figured out exactly what I'm going to say. And that's just not true. It's been interesting to see how these solo episodes work. With last week's episode as well as this one, I've been touching on topics that I've been thinking about topics that have been on my mind, but not only that, it's also been topics that has been on the minds of other people.
So I've actually had discussions and talks with people about, for example, from last week's episode, social pressure, as well as using self-awareness to filter advice. If you haven't listened to that episode, that's episode six, you can go ahead and listen to that after this episode if you are so inclined. But it's been interesting to see how these random thoughts that I've been having have been similar to ones that other people have also been thinking about. And I suppose it's, it makes it better for me. And it's part of the reason why I want to create episodes around them, because if it's resonating with me as well as people I'm talking to, maybe I can resonate with some of you guys.
And so that's why I've been creating these solo episodes. So, you know, Let me know if you guys are enjoying these episodes. Let me know if you guys resonate with the topics and ideas that I'm presenting. And if you have topics that you think would be good for an episode, you are always welcome to message me on social, underscore chow Eric on Instagram and Twitter about them. And we can talk about them briefly if you'd like.
And I will certainly consider putting them into an episode But other than that, let's just get right into the content of what we're discussing today a friend of mine once asked me Eric, how do you present yourself confidently because You know, I do do that. I do present myself fairly confident and part of it is definitely just I've been lucky I've grown up with, I guess, a family that instilled it in me. I spent nearly six years of martial arts training with an amazing group of people that also instilled in me a lot of confidence. And my natural talents in, say, academics has gotten me praise that helped boost my confidence, I'm sure.
But also, I think, one of the biggest reasons for my Confidence is this faith that I have that life is going to work out, even if I can't see how. I'll explain. For example, if I'm going into taking a test or an exam that I'm not prepared for, I have a little bit of a mental process that I go through. First, I always...
Do my best to make sure I learn the material as it's being taught if I do my best to do that there's less of a need to re-learn everything to study everything before the actual exam so I put trust in myself that I've done a decent job of learning everything that I need to know and Even though I feel unprepared I tell myself I've done my best and I'm going to do my best on this test. And no matter what grade I get, I'm gonna be okay. It helps if I know that I have time to save my grade, but sometimes I don't have that.
And it's just a matter of realizing not getting the perfect grade isn't going to ruin my life. I'm not gonna die, nobody's gonna die. It's okay, it doesn't.
matter that much. As long as I do my best, that's all anybody can ask for. This attitude also goes for when I'm doing something risky or I have a plan for how something should go. This could be a difficult conversation, an interview, a presentation, an event, a myriad of different things. And I remind myself, look, I have a way for this, how I want this situation to go. But even if it doesn't go like I wanted to, I'm gonna be okay. I might not be in an ideal situation, but I'm gonna be okay no matter what happens. I also change my focus and the narrative that I tell myself from what if this doesn't work out.
What am I gonna do to? Changing it changing it to what if this does work out what could happen and Combining that with knowing that I'm gonna be fine even if it doesn't work out my focus on What positive could come out of it and knowing I'm gonna be fine if it doesn't go that way is Incredibly empowering because I'm then willing to be uncomfortable I'm willing to take the risk that it might not go how I want it to because I know I'm going to be fine. And the more I'm able to do that, the more chance that some of those risks I take are going to work out well for me.
High risk, high reward, but also more risk, more rewards. I know I'm going to be fine if it doesn't work out, but some of them are going to work out perfectly.
I'm gonna be better for it. It really is just this faith that life is gonna work out and It's also doing your best some people Particularly I think some religious people tend to do this blind faith sort of thing where they're just like My hand my life is in the hands of God and I'm gonna be fine and they just do nothing That's not gonna do you any good ever If you do nothing, you're going to get nothing. It's that simple. But if you do your best to do at everything that you do, life is going to work out. And I think it's that combination of faith and doing your best that creates the best situations in life.
With my test example, if I didn't pay attention in class, if I didn't learn any of the material and I feel unprepared for it, that's just my fault. I didn't learn anything.
I can't expect myself to get a good grade on the test. I don't know anything. But if I did my best, then I can do my best. And then I know that it's going to be okay because all that truly can be expected of me is that I do my best. And if my best isn't enough so piet, I'll learn from it, I'll grow from it and I'll move forward. So confidence is... knowing that we're gonna put our best foot forward always as much as we can and having a faith that life is gonna work out and the stronger that faith, the more we are able to take risk, get more rewards and the more that we can be sure everything's gonna work out. And that's a great phrase to me. Everything works out.
Because I've learned in my experience that it's true. Everything always works out in the end. Sometimes when I'm in those tough situations in life where I can't see what's gonna happen in the future, I can't tell how life could possibly get better. I think about the similar life situations that I've had, the really low moments of my life. Those moments where I literally couldn't see a bright future at all. And then I think about the good moments. And I realize life has gotten better for me in those moments, in those dark moments before. If life has gotten better for me in the past, there's no reason it's not going to do it again. And so I have a faith that I'm going to be just fine in life, even if I can't see how. The moments where...
I couldn't imagine how it was possible, the most difficult situations. I couldn't imagine how it was possible things would work out. It really does get better. Sometimes it got better in these miraculous ways that are so much better than what I could have literally imagined. And I think about those moments where I felt like I'm never going to get anything good again. Or I don't have some of the things that I have right now. And it makes me so grateful and it makes me realize things have worked out incredibly well. I'm incredibly proud of the person I am today. And when I think about that there was a version of me years ago who was like, my life is over.
My life is horrible. This sucks. Life is never going to be good. I realize not only was I so incredibly wrong, But I grew so much from it and it reminds me that life Will get better if it's difficult. It's gonna get better and if it isn't difficult you should be damn well enjoying it and With these challenges, it's about growing from them and it's about believing in where you're headed Believing in the bigger picture even if you can't see it and I was talking to my good friend Valeria Rios a few days ago about this I think it was two days ago. And, you know, I've just said, challenges are meant to teach us something.
You know, they're meant to allow us to grow. But she pointed out to me that actually I'm a quote her, there are constant distractions and sensations that are invasive to what we are able to interpret from the challenges we confront. So challenges are meant to teach us something. They're meant to allow us to grow. But as Valeria points out, There are so many distractions and sensations that prevent us from really understanding them and seeing what they're trying to teach us. And these could be things as simple as you're feeling angry and so your mind is clouded. It could be these biases, biases, biases, I don't know, these judgments that you have of other people or of a situation that keep you close-minded.
It could be just noise from society that prevents you from hearing your own inner voice and how you truly are feeling about a situation. There are tons of distractions and sensations that really do prevent us from understanding what challenges are trying to teach us. And Valeria also pointed out to me that It becomes even more difficult to see how life could possibly get better when you feel like life is spiraling downward when Something bad happens and then another bad thing happens and then it gets even harder and then You know something goes wrong and like something you had a plan for goes wrong after that and life is just spiraling downward and you feel just overwhelmed in those moments it becomes incredibly difficult to see how life could get better And I know that I've been in those moments and I thought about that and I realized This storm it's really difficult to see through a storm So maybe the key is not to fight the storm We can't fight a storm We can't swim upstream We can't run the wrong way on the escalator Instead I feel like somebody right now is saying bet as I'm saying, you can't go the wrong way on the escalator.
Damn it. Screw you, whoever's thinking that. I know someone's thinking it. Anyway, we can't fight the storm. We can't swim upstream. We can't go the wrong way on the escalator. Instead, we have to find our calm, find our way to the eye of the storm and look up above us to see a glimpse of the sky above us. In our case, a glimpse of the bigger picture. We won't be able to see the entire sky, the entire bigger picture. But that's because challenges are meant to have us grow. And they're meant to expand our perspective. Certainly some of the most difficult situations for me.
that have worked out miraculously well, have been incredibly expansive for my growth and for my perspective. And so in those moments where we look up to the sky in the middle of a storm, we can't expect to see everything. But maybe we can catch a glimpse. And that glimpse is enough. It's hope. And it's... It's about knowing that everything's gonna work out as long as you do your best. It is knowing that you are and that you have enough to make it through the challenges that life presents. That's what confidence is. And I don't want to make it sound like I'm always confident because I'm not far from it. Like everybody else, I have my moments of doubt.
Fear and insecurity heck. I'm sure I've had plenty of those moments in fact No, I am sure that I've had plenty of moments of doubt fear and insecurity when it comes to my own content and I also feel like Some of my skills just aren't enough to get the task or job done to the standards that I want and I also have moments where I feel unprepared We all do I just remember that I'm gonna be okay. In the micro, there are gonna be moments of insecurity, failure, doubt, fear, blah, blah, blah, but in the big picture, the macro. As long as I do my best, I know I'm gonna be just fine.
The other topic I wanted to discuss was timelines, particularly society places pressure on us to follow a certain timeline to do certain things at a certain time by a certain age and this is very much a continuation off the social pressure topic that I discussed in episode six and I wanted to Think about it from a different perspective So here's what I've come up with There is no timetable that we all have to follow. How can we? We're all different Maybe if we were all born at the same time, grew up in the same environment, died at the same time, maybe then there'd be a standardized table, time table we could all be expected to follow.
But we're not. We're born at different times, grow up in different environments at home and school and elsewhere to different families of different cultures. And we all live to different ages. We all have different goals, interests, plans, ideas, etc.
And of the 7.7 billion people alive in the world, there is not a single person that's going to live alive the same as you and me. And of the 109 billion people that have ever lived, not a single one was just like you and me. If we're all different, how can we truly be expected to follow someone else's timetable, someone else's path? We can't all do things in the same order. Who gets to decide who has the authority? to decide if we're late to graduate, late to get married, late to buy our house, late to start dating, have our first kiss, have kids, get a job, establish a career, move out of your parents' house.
Who gets to decide that? And I think we beat ourselves up for where we are in life and I do that too. And I think we need to stop. I think we need to stop beating ourselves up for where we are in life because we should be following our own timetable, not anyone else's because we're different and we should be living our lives by our own timetable when we are ready. Or maybe not necessarily ready, sometimes it's good to do things when we're not ready. But to do things when it's right for us, I guess, not doing it because society tells us this is the time you should be doing it.
Think about it this way. We're not gonna get married to somebody because we're at the marriage age and we happen to be in a relationship with someone. No, we should be getting married because you and your partner want to get married. You're not gonna buy a house because society says this is the age you should buy a house. You're gonna buy a house because you have the finances to buy a house and you feel like you really like the house. We should do things on our own timeline. We shouldn't be doing things because society tells us to. So let's stop beating ourselves up for where we are in life and instead tell ourselves, we are exactly where we need to be.
And I think we should even use that as a sort of a self-affirmation. You are exactly where you need to be at this moment. This is your life with your life schedule and everything is happening.
right on time. Now sure, we have to show up to classes, appointments, our jobs, events at a certain time. As a member of this society, our job is to be punctual to such social events. But when it comes to the matters of our own lives, it's our life, not societies. And so when we achieve these life goals that society has placed, You should be determining when for yourself. You know for me I've been thinking about how in grade school I was often the smart-kating class and I felt like I was ahead of people. I took high-level classes, I excelled in pretty much everything and of course there were some people who matched my skills and knowledge in academics, but for the most part I felt like I was ahead of most.
And now I'm going to community college. And many of my friends are leaving for four-year universities. And some of you will know, I was supposed to go to a four-year university myself. I sent my statement of intent to register to UC Irvine, but decided to cancel it because... ...reasons. And I'm going to community college instead. And... As my friends have been leaving for four-year universities, I've wondered, am I being left behind? It's natural to think that. You know, these are people, friends of mine, who are, quote, going to the real world or exploring new places, moving on to a different chapter of their lives in a totally different location.
In many ways, it does seem like I'm being left behind. And, you know, some people might argue, I'm saving money and I've said that myself and in saving the money to go to community instead Maybe I'm placing myself ahead of everybody who's gonna graduate with debt That's a pretty good counter argument They go out and explore new places and get new experiences in a different place and I get a little less debt, but I think that's stupid. I think all of that is just useless argument Because this whole argument is based on this misconceived notion, this false premise, this ridiculous idea of someone being ahead or someone being behind based on these social standards that make no sense at all. We're different. We have our different timelines or different life paths. We shouldn't be comparing.
We shouldn't be following some sort of timetable that literally just doesn't work. We have our own paths, our own timelines, and we are all right on time, right where we need to be. Some people get their own houses at 17. Others at 22, some people wait until 30, 40 years old or later. One person may marry as young as 21 years old, others as late as 35 and others still at 55. Duane Johnson, the rock just got married. He's 47 years old. He's arguably one of the most successful people on the planet and society would probably say 47's pretty late. Of course, no one's going to say that to the rock.
And I was, in fact, to take some research off of Jay Shetty, content creator I absolutely love. You know what? I'm going to shout him out.
Check out Jay Shetty, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube. He also has his own podcast on purpose. I was listening to an episode yesterday. Love his work. He is absolutely amazing. But to take some of the research that he did and by research, I mean, Google at age 25, Mark Cuban was a Dallas bartender. Now he's shark tank investor, billionaire, sports. He's doing incredible now. JK Rowling was 32 when Harry Potter was published and That's after it was rejected by I think 12 publishers The actor Steve Carell his big break was at 40 Morgan Freeman's 52 Richard Branson started the virgin brand at 34. He's a billionaire we feel like we have to meet certain timelines.
And the fact is we don't. We do things when we're ready. And sometimes we do things when we're not because we feel like it's right for us and we feel like we can't pass the opportunity. But the fact is we shouldn't be doing things at a certain time because society tells us to. We shouldn't fall victim to social pressure.
We should do things Because we want to when we want to it doesn't matter when you achieve life goals Getting a degree buying a house getting married having your first kiss earning your first paycheck All of that is an achievement no matter how old you are Even if you're 60 years old getting a college degree That's still an achievement if you're getting married at 47. That's still an achievement earning your first paycheck at 25 is still just as much of an achievement as it is at 15. It doesn't matter what standards there are that society sets. It only matters that you did it and you deserve it. Let's follow our own timelines. And I think that with social pressure and with timelines, it's about noise. Noise comes from...
Society, but it also comes from those around us or our family and our friends and I think what we have to realize is that Noise is very much like the advice I was talking about in episode six We have to use self-awareness as a filter and realize that noise is just people giving their two cents giving their opinions and oftentimes it isn't very considerate of who we are, what we're about, what situations we're in. And so it's our job to think about how much of what they're saying applies to us. It's not always going to be applicable, whatever people are saying. And so we have to be careful and we have to take people's opinions with a grain of salt. In fact, when I'm giving my two cents here, you may disagree.
or what I'm suggesting may not be right for you. It's just my beliefs. We have to use that self-awareness to filter out what's actually beneficial for us. And if you want to hear more about that and you haven't listened to episode six, please do so. I think it'll be incredibly beneficial. Noise crowds out, I guess our inner voice, our instincts, you could say. And sometimes we forget that we honestly have a lot of the answers that we are looking for. If we look within and the voice within tends to stay very quiet. It doesn't shout. And so noise from society and from so many people can get really loud.
People put pressure and people talk and If you can't silence the noise, you'll never be able to listen to what your inner voice is trying to tell you. And your inner voice knows you because it is you. So I think listening to it is very important because it will lead you in the directions that are right for you. And I think I'm going to talk more about this inner voice and self-talk in a coming episode. I don't know when, but I think that'll be another thing about a good topic to discuss. In any case, I also want to talk briefly about society. I've been focusing a little bit too much on sort of the negative aspects of it and being a little harsh on it, I suppose.
In this episode and last episode, so I want to make myself clear. I'm not against society. I think society is great. I think that it does a lot to create a sense of order and an organization and make our lives better. And it is, I mean, it was created because humans are social creatures. And so society is a natural byproduct of that. and it's very important. Unfortunately, people love to throw in their two cents without being considerate. Like I said, and that creates a plethora of problems for individuals who happen to think differently and believe differently. And that's just what I've tried to communicate and tried to focus on.
One last thing I will say before in the episode is to touch a little bit more on both confidence and timelines. I want to combine it by sharing this amazing quote. So it's from Christina Grimmie, a musician, and it's this. Confidence is not, they will like me. Confidence instead is, I'll be fine if they don't.
And this is exactly what I've been saying. Everything's gonna be fine, even if things don't go how I want it to. Even if people don't like me, I'm gonna be okay. And I think if you can really take that to heart, realizing confidence isn't, they're gonna like me, or this is gonna go how I want it to. Confidence is, I'm gonna be fine if they don't. I'm gonna be fine if it doesn't go as well as I want it to. I'm gonna be fine. And this is also very much related to timelines because as we decide to follow our own timelines or as we follow our own inner voice instead of listening to other people, some people might not like that.
Some people might get angry, upset, hurt. And I think it's important to realize that you're following yourself and you have to be your greatest priority, at least in my opinion. And people who can't see that that's what you're trying to do, I think need to focus on themselves. And maybe in time they'll understand that you were just trying to be you and hopefully they can accept that and you can bring them back into your life. Yeah, I think that's a pretty good place to end this episode.
So yeah, hey everybody. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of the podcast It truly does mean so much to me and I say that every episode because it's true. I am absolutely honored that you guys spend your time listening and I hope you guys are getting value out of this and Actually even especially for this one. I really want to know if something's resonating with you if Something I said is really interesting to you and has challenged you in terms of your perspective or made you think differently. I'd love to know that. I really would. And if you have something, if you're thinking about it from a different perspective or you have your own suggestions, I love to learn and I would love to hear about it. So hit me up, underscore Chow Eric, Instagram and Twitter.
and let me know about that. Let me know your feedback, your opinions on the topics. And if you have topics that you'd like me to discuss as well, or you'd like to discuss with me, you are also, again, welcome to share that with me. Yeah. Also want to shout out face to face by Kayla Marie once more. Her socials are in the episode description and... You can find her song face to face on Spotify, iTunes and YouTube. Oh, and one last thing is I will be creating another episode to talk about self-talk and inner voice and more, I'm sure. But yeah, that is definitely a topic that I want to touch on more. If you guys would like that, let me know and I will put it higher on the priority list.
Thank you guys so much for listening to episode 7. Have a fantastic rest of the day.